Experience shows me how difficult it is for owners to change the way they perceive their animals and to impose rules of life on them. I am confronted with human resistance to getting rid of anthropomorphism, with their difficulty in perceiving their dog as a species different from ours, whose behavior and needs are specific to it.
I understand those difficulties all the better because I was confronted with them myself, with my first dog, Ares. Before studying dogs, I had considered Ares a friend — an animal I could treat as an equal, with whom I could share everything. I didn't know he was a rival. To me, he was "the human's best friend," as the dog is so wrongly called.
As long as I treated him as I wanted him to be, and not for who he really was, I couldn't resolve the difficulties I encountered with him (Ares had become a rather aggressive dog). It was only when I learned his true nature and established rules of life that respected his needs that I was able to bring Ares under control.
Change cost me. I had to mourn the image I'd had of the dog — mourn a way of relating that pleased me, but which was harmful to my dog.
I learned that Ares had taken power from me. His aggressiveness was used to defend his territory (not mine), to maintain his status, and to preserve social cohesion with my family and close friends. I understood that to stop his aggressive behavior, I had to strip him of that power and take over leadership of the pack I was forming with him. This would relieve him of the heavy responsibility of ensuring our group's survival. I had to completely rethink the way I behaved with him. It wasn't at all obvious to me — I had the feeling I was going to be "bad," or not "nice," to him.
I see this same feeling in the majority of dog owners who come to me, and having lived through it myself, I understand very well their apprehension about change. Changing your relationship with your dog stirs up a lot inside you. It touches the emotional domain — the image we reflect to others. I've lost count of the people to whom I've explained the behavior to adopt with their dog, who respond, "But my dog won't love me anymore!" I explain to them that the more they lead their dog, the more attached he will be to them. Dogs are genetically programmed to follow a consistent leader — a leader who gives them the best chance of survival.
I explain to them what I learned while boarding dogs. When owners entrusted me with their dog for boarding, if they hadn't taken on that leadership role, or had been inconsistent with their animal, many of them found, when they came to pick their dog up, that he wouldn't follow them. The dogs could completely ignore their owners, without even looking at them. Numerous owners thought their dog was much better off at home than with me, because at home he was entitled to the sofa, to food at the table… Yet, to their own surprise, their dog preferred to stay with me. I saw owners grow angry with their dog because he'd snubbed them. Many had to leash their dogs just to get them to leave my house. It calls into question the dog's legendary loyalty…
